


Cause the Bad's Been Slowly Getting Worse

by RandomFanfictions



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Dark!May, Depression, Hurt Peter Parker, I'm Not Sure How Angsty This Is Going To Get, May's not rly that bad tbh but shes also not rly the nicest, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Poor Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, its a combo of tough love and bad parenting, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-05-13 12:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14748687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFanfictions/pseuds/RandomFanfictions
Summary: 'Cause the bad's been slowly getting worseAnd this fast lane, living its a curseBetter tell me, what's your life's worthI think its time for a change-Overdose by Grandson





	1. The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything starts with a _bang_.

When Peter turned six years old, it was probably one of the best times in his life. 

School was great, the teachers called him a genius! His parents were always so nice, and now he was best friends with almost everyone in the class. He loved everything about life, he loved his parents so much. They said they might even get him a dog one day if he could manage to keep his room clean for a whole month.

Everything was at an all time high.

...it _was_

Until his parents had to go on a work trip. He cried all the way over to his aunt and uncle's because _"Please mommy, don't go! I'm going to miss you so much! Daddy, I love you tell Mommy you can't leave!"_

They left. But they never came back.

He remembers the shock setting in when Uncle Ben told him that they weren't coming back. They were _never_ coming back.

Peter didn't eat much the next few weeks. 

He didn't sleep well either.

Months later, after the funerals and cards. Hugs from people he didn't know and the worried glances of his aunt and uncle, things started getting a little better. Soon he was seven, and they went out to eat Chinese and go bowling after. His eighth birthday was great too, they stayed up all night and watched movies. 

Peter switched school sometime during the summer when his parents died. He was sad at first, but now he had become best friends with another boy named Ned. 

Over time, he almost forgot about it all. Well, of course he'd never be able to forget his parents, but now he wouldn't feel a deep pit in his stomach or get tears in his eyes any time someone mentioned it.

By the time he was fourteen, he almost forgot all about it.

Things were getting better. So much better. But it all got worse again.

Radioactive spiders.

Slipping grades.

Upset Uncles.

Funeral Plannings.

Fifteen years old and it all got worse all over again.

This is where it starts.


	2. Phone

Peter groans when he checks his alarm.

It was 5:45 am, but he set his alarm for 6:30. 

Unfortunately for him, the moment he woke up, he would not be able to go back to sleep, so the teen decided to go get his phone.

It's a really dumb rule, but Aunt May gets angry every time he breaks it, so he puts up with it only to stay away from being grounded. Peter has to turn in his phone every night to her room before 10 o'clock, but he isn't even supposed to talk to people past 8. It sucks.

He used to be able to have his phone like any normal teenager, but one day Aunt May walked right into his room, plucked the phone from his hands and told him about the new rule. Apparently she had found out about some scandal that happened at school and parents were pissed. This couple that were dating were sending nudes back and forth, and somehow May seemed to think that taking Peter's phone would stop him from giving or receiving any of those. 

He had argued a bit, his face flushed red with embarrassment, but he lost anyways. "I know you wouldn't, Pete, but I also need to do this because you shouldn't be on your phone late." she told him sweetly.

Being a silent as possible, he snuck into her room and unplugged the device, anxiety coursing through him when her breathing had changed. 

_don't wake up don't wake up don't wake up don't wake up_

When Peter was out of the room, he tip-toed back to his bed, holding his breath, waiting for her to get up and yell at him.

It was an irrational fear, being afraid of her yelling at him. She only ever did it when he actually did something bad and deserved it. She wouldn't get angry for taking his phone back in the morning, but a couple of bad experiences have taught him to be fearful.

He turned on the device and watched the screen glow bright, adjusting the light on it so it didn't completely blind him first thing when he woke up. Soon, he realized that it wasn't on airplane mode like he usually leaves it. She was looking through his phone.

Peter always deletes his texts, always logs out of everything, removes the history on his web browser. Not because he was doing things he shouldn't, well other than Spider-Man without May knowing, but because May constantly goes through all of his things, invading his personal space to find something he could be hiding. He's terrified she might find something bad, maybe he cursed and she thought it was offensive or his friends sent a text too late at night. He would get anxiety when he was separated from his phone.

Worst part was that he couldn't do anything about it.

He went through and checked for any messages or emails she might've seen. Everything looked safe until he opened up instagram and saw that she had been snooping. MJ was asking him about math sometime at 10:30 and May looked through it, totally leaving MJ on seen. God he was going to hear about this later today. From both of them.

He cringed as he hastily sent an apology text, knowing there might be some kind of lecture about telling his friends he's not supposed to be in bed early. Peter sighed in defeat and anxiously scrolled through his social media.

\------

The day wasn't too bad, May had yet said anything, but she's been acting strange. Been oddly nice.

If he hadn't known she was looking through his phone, he would've assumed it was just a great day, but he knew better. The suspense was killing him, completely petrified with fear that she would take his phone, stumble across something she shouldn't and destroy his life. 

"Hey, sweety?" she called from the kitchen as he sat on the couch, fumbling with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you about something" 

_Oh God, here it is. She's taking it away, you fucked it up, Peter. You - you messed up and -_

"I saw some girl was texting you last night" funny how if it were in any other tone than the slightly annoyed one she was using right now, it would sound so much better

"Mhm" Peter swallowed, already feeling panic rising in his chest

"Why are you texting girls? Especially late at night" 

"I-I wasn't. I swear! She's my friend, MJ, she's on the decathlon team, remember?" 

"I don't care, when someone texts you, you need to tell me about it. I'm your aunt, I deserve to know." she ended harshly. 

He quietly let out a relieved sigh, knowing that this would be the worst of it for now. May looks through his things so often, if there's something she doesn't know about, she's livid. That's part of the reason why he can never tell her about Spider-man. That and the fact that letting his identity be known means she could get hurt. It was already his fault for Uncle Ben, he can't have another death on his conscience. 

Peter's always afraid of not having his phone, backpack, laptop, _whatever_ , because there's always the chance that someone might go through it. Even at school when he leaves his phone on the desk and someone grabs it to check the time, it puts him on edge, spidey senses go off and he needs it back in his hands. Rationally, he knows that nothing bad will happen. He's a good kid and the only thing that anyone could use to dig up dirt is the whole vigilante thing, but after so many years of May's extreme snooping, he's learned to cover his tracks so well - he could commit a murder and _no one_ would know it was him.

"Make sure you let her know she's not allowed to text you past 8, alright" she adds sweetly, as if she hadn't just scared the crap out of him seconds ago.

"Alright."


	3. Blanket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but important chapter. They'll start getting longer, but the first few are more the skeleton of the story, building and outline that holds and supports the rest of it. It's got some natural progression going on so be patient with me pls and thanks.

_Peter turns around to see MJ, standing in a store, one he can't quite remember, but she faces the wall looking at some items. He smiles softly to himself, she's always got some crazy new project to work on. They talk for a bit, mostly just friendly chatter, when May shows up. She's angry, the look of rage deep inside her eyes._

_She pulls him away from MJ, grip tightening on his shoulder "Didn't I raise you better than to associate with people like **her**?" she gestures to the girl, unaware of the conflict_

_There's a white rose in her hair. For some reason, he knows that there's a prejudice against people with roses. It just makes sense._

_"May, please" he begs_

_"No nephew of mine will hang around someone like - like - like **her**_ " she shouts in disgust. 

_Fury ignites in Peter's heart, he grabs a crown of white roses from a shelf and places it on his head "Then I'm not your nephew" he cries_

_Suddenly, his aunt is gone and MJ asks him what happened. He lies, she shouldn't have to deal with his problems. They leave the store and she tells him she needs to go. Peter is abandoned and now he has nothing left, abandoning his only family for someone who doesn't think he's worth it. It all goes fuzzy just after he decides he's not worth it either._

When Peter wakes up, he's gasping for air, choking back a sob and trying to keep his noise down. Things don't make sense in the dream world, but there was always a constant similarity. Being abandoned, having no one left, then deciding for an end only to wake up. It's a terrifying vicious cycle of trauma, but there's nothing he can do about it. All he wants is for someone to hug him right now, he wants to know that he's accepted and wanted. He partly wants to run over to May, curl up in her bed and to fall asleep, but after such a scarily realistic dream - he just wants his parents.

Funny that it's moments like this, now when he's fifteen years old and his parents have been dead since he was six does he want nothing more than for his mom to run her fingers through his hair and softly sing to him until he slept. He wished for his dad to pull him into a hug and let him fall asleep in their bed. He just wants someone to make him feel better, but they're gone and May was the one terrorizing him in his nightmare. She had done nothing wrong in the real world - it was just too soon.

It wasn't until another five minutes passed and he still felt tears running down his face did Peter decide to pull out the closest thing he had left to the family he once knew, an small old baby blanket he'd kept since his childhood. It was yellow and soft, teddy bears were dyed onto the fur of the fabric and it was ripped up from years of use. He still remembers his mom handing it to him, telling him that his blanket would keep him company while they were gone on their trip. They never came back and he refused to get rid of the blanket.

Peter had stopped using it when his friends came over, fearful of what they'd think of it, but he never had the heart to toss it. Now, when he was sobbing from rejection in his very own dreams from people he cared about, it was his only comfort. 

He wasn't able to sleep well that night. 

He wasn't able to sleep well any night after that.


	4. Sleep

It's been a while now, but the nightmares don't stop. Every single night without a doubt, there's a new one. 

Some are hyper realistic. It feels so real that when he wakes up, Peter isn't sure that he had imagined it all. Others are more symbolic in the way they give their message. People disappearing. Bad things happening. Just an overall tone of anxiety that causes him to wake up in tears more than once. 

Peter never tells anyone. He can handle it.

Eventually, he started to stay up. After all, he can't have nightmares if he doesn't sleep. Three hours a night would have to do because in that case, his brain would never hit the REM cycle and begin to dream. It was definitely bad for his health, both physical and mental, but Peter decided it would be better to lose just a couple more hours of rest and feel a little tired than waking up at two in the morning, clutching the one thing that reminds him of his parents, begging for it to end. 

That's when he devised a fool-proof plan. When he gets home, he'd go out and do patrol for a few hours and return before May came back from work. When she would come back, he'd tell her that he's finished all his homework and would just lay there on his bed, scrolling through social media. They would eat dinner together, but Peter hardly touched his food anymore. He just thought he lost his appetite and would force a few fork-fulls down anyway before telling May he'd save it for lunch tomorrow.

After that, he'd go back to his room, doing whatever until his aunt would walk over, taking his phone to put in in her room. When her light turned off, he turned his on and started his homework then. In that case, he wouldn't be able to go to bed until he had finished everything. Of course, it meant his work lost a lot of quality since he wouldn't start until midnight and finished around 3-4am, but at least he wasn't sleeping.

For the most part, it worked pretty well. He managed a couple weeks with only a few nightmares. Peter was relieved.

Until it stopped working. 

He lost even more sleep after that if even possible. When he told Ned that his blood was 95% redbull, he hadn't been lying. Around this time, things started to get... _darker_. Peter was usually upbeat, even when he didn't feel it, but now it felt even more exhausting to keep up the front he wore. His grades were dropping and so was his self esteem.

May had made it very clear he was a smart kid, but with being smart comes expectations. She was always disappointed when he came back with a B on his report card. Now he could see he was barely scraping by with C's. 

Peter wasn't doing good enough. _He_ wasn't good enough.

 

About a month had passed now since he first started his little 'Plan To Stop Getting Horrible Nightmares pt 2', and now he was at the point where he'd fall asleep for only a few seconds at a time because of how exhausted he was. It didn't go unnoticed, Ned called him out on it and MJ agreed he looked like shit. ("Wow thanks, world's most supportive friend's right here" "Oh shut up, we're being honest, Parker"). He never told them why he wasn't sleeping, instead blaming it on essays and assignments he procrastinated on. They both gave understanding nods and dropped it completely. 

It was both good and bad they let it be. He didn't want them to question him, but then again, he wanted to talk about it so bad it hurt.

He was falling apart so quickly now, it was almost comedic. He was breaking down almost every night with the stress of it. Being a superhero in which his life is on the line every single day, being a high school student with only advanced and honors courses, and struggling with anxiety and nightmares makes it impossible to do anything. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Peter wonders if he's more than just stressed now. It's not normal to want to cry about losing a pen, or constantly hearing a stream of words in the back of your head telling you how worthless you are. 

The teen never brings it up. This is his issue. His weight to carry. 

So he sleeps only a couple hours in a week. He gets hurt a lot more while fighting. He lets his grades drop all while the voices grow louder and louder in the back of his head. Peter pulls away from his friends and his Aunt. He hides himself away in his room where he tries his best to not fall apart. 

He can deal with it. Other people have it worse anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the angst fest begins.


	5. Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry I too so long to update. I’ve just been a little busy lately but it’s all good now. Also: tw blood, gore, that kinda stuff. Not self enduced injury tho

His fingers trace shapes as he stares up in the New York skyline. In the back of his mind, he blankly remembers the 6 page MLA essay due tomorrow morning for English, but at the moment, he couldn’t care less about his dropping grades. The only thing on his mind right now is to just wait on the rooftop until his healing factor kicks in and clots the gaping wound in his stomach. 

Turns out, hardly sleeping combined with a reckless teenager with superpowers spells disaster. 

It was just some mugging, well at least he thought it was originally. Blah blah blah, backstory and so forth. It was a setup to lure Peter in. They knew he was the kid that got the Vulture in prison, so they tried to go after him. Luckily, they seemed to all be drunk and not quite aware of anything around them, so Peter managed to get out of there fairly easy.

Well, the term ‘easy’ is a loose definition here. 

From what he gathered by Karen’s constant calculations, they had last been seen at a nearby bar, must’ve had too much to drink, saw Spider-Man doing his spider-thing and decided to go after him. 

Of course, they still had their very much _deadly_ and _lethal_ weapons on them, but their reactions were just a bit off. Peter ran out as soon as he got the chance, because once he was down, he would be taken out in an instant. 

So that’s why he’s here now, slightly dazed as he secretly asks himself if it would be bad to die right here and right now. Before he has any time to process his own thoughts, Karen’s voice fills his ears. 

“Peter, it appears that you have lost a considerable amount of blood. If you remain here with no medical assistance, your chances of survival are quite low.” She informs him, ready to dial Tony Stark if he doesn’t reply fast enough. 

“Mhm,” He murmurs, but then jumps up in shock. “Wait, what about the healing factor?” His voice sounds weak even to his own ears, and now he wonders how much blood he’s actually lost. 

Daring a glance down for the first time, it reveals a large gash twisting from his left hip to just above his belly button, still bleeding purfously even after waiting up there for ... 

_What time is it?_

“Due to your lack of nutrition -“

_Is Aunt May coming home early today? Or is that tomorrow?_

“-ing factor is no longer -“

_Should I try to save myself?_

...

“-aling Tony Stark” The AI’s voice sounds panicked if that’s even possible, and Peter can’t seem to feel at all bothered by this. 

When a soft mechanical whirl fills the air, he doesn’t bother to open his eyes. He just stays there, motionless. It isn’t until he can hear someone calling his name, sounding completely terrified, does he decide to adjust his arm a bit, moving it from its spot on the floor to covering up the wound. 

He feels a searing pain, then it goes black. 

 

 

When Peter wakes up, the first thing he notices is the smell of coffee lingering in the air. After that do all the other senses kick in. The teen let’s his eyes flutter open and he sees Mr. Stark with bags under his eyes sit in a chair, asleep with his neck bent at an angle that will surely make him sore when he wakes up. 

There’s a sinking feeling in his chest when he realizes he didn’t die last night, but brushes off the emotion before he could dwell on it. 

Mr. Stark gets up not too soon after, giving Peter a nice long lecture about safety and not being able to read his stats from Karen anymore because he’s either damaged the suit or tampered with the coding. He doesn’t pay attention at all, and is now more concerned with the fact that he really could have died right then and there, and his complete lack of fear. 

Peter runs away as soon as the doctors cleared him. The billionaire was out, reading up on his state and asking if they could do one last check, but he didn’t want to stay there any second longer. The only thing on his mind at that moment was Aunt May. She would be worried if she didn’t know where he was after finding out from one of the nurses that he had stayed over night. 

When he arrived at the apartment, he already had come up with dozens of excuses, but none sounded good. Luckily, telling her that his phone died, but he was out with Ned was enough that he didn’t get grounded, just another mild lecture. 

He skips dinner that night and opts for a shower instead, wincing at the sight if such an ugly looking scar. After they out an IV in, his healing factor had started up again and all the doctors had to do was stitch it up so his body could handle the rest. They think that with the healing, the scar would fade from a bright angry pink to a much less noticeable scar in a few months to a year. For most others, that would never happen, but he guesses it’s just the world trying to give him _something_ after how crappy he’s been feeling the past who knows how long. 

 

That night, Peter doesn’t sleep well. The only thoughts on his mind are about death. Why wasnt he afraid? Why has he been feeling so upset lately? Did he actually want to die back there?

 

The next morning, he hesitates before he lets his fingers type out the same sentence again. When he decides that there’s no better way to phrase it, he hovers over the enter key for one last second before submitting into the search engine. 

**am I depressed?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an outline for this chapter but just went ‘fuck it’ and wrote this instead. I hope it’s good. Pls comment, it makes me happy

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve got a [tumblr](https://marvelherosaredorks.tumblr.com) and an [instagram](https://instagram.com/genericresponse?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=161029qhh46cc) if u wanna yell at me


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